Spinning Yarn on the Kepler Track

Rode (aka... Mike)
"Mornin' Rode," I say as my old friend comes strolling up to the trailhead. I recognize that unmistakable bounce in his step 200m away.
"Hey Tim, what's up?"
"Not much man... ahhh.. hey, where's your stuff, Rode?"
"Stuff?"
"Your pack... I mean, your backpacking gear?"
"Oh... that stuff. I'm good"
"All I see is that frisbee in your hand."

Rode empties his pockets to reveal he has exactly: 3 sticks of gum, a handful of soybeans ("nature's miracle food" he claims), a ballpoint pen, 2 matches, a 6" square of aluminum foil, and a swiss army knife.

"What's all this?" I ask in dismay.
"It's everything I need," he replies nonchalantly.
"What are you? An Eagle Scout?"
"Yeah."
"Okay MacGyver... but I've got some extra food and my tent can fit two in a pinch."

My doubts are put to rest that night when Rode constructs his A-frame out of beech saplings lashed together with twine woven out of bark strips. With the crew all huddled around a roaring campfire he built (without either match), I ask Rode...

"Okay, but the frisbee?"
"It's a great plate... here," he says as he passes me the upsidedown disk, "try some of this... it's an omelet with baby fern buds, wild shrooms, some soybeans and Kea eggs..."

"Holy crap dude... this is really good!"
"It's not bad. I should've brought some salt. Oh... and I always have my disk with me... never know when you'll run into some ultimate players."


Weed (aka... WW III)
Sipping some hot chocolate at the Luxmore Hut, my reward after the first day of tramping, I look out the kitchen window and spy my buddy Weed sitting by himself down the hill. He's a pretty big guy, the type people often describe as a big teddy-bear.

I plop myself on a rock next to him... he's picking at the grass and watching the sun setting on Lake Te Anau below.

"Nice view, eh?" I say.
"Huh... what? Uh... yeah... beautiful."
"What's up bud?"
"Nothing..."
"Hey man, you're looking slim. You lost weight?"
"Really? You think so?"
"Yeah... you getting trim for the wedding?"
"Sort of.. yeah, I guess so," and with that we're both quiet for a minute.

"Wow... Marriage. That's so great Weed."
"Yeah, I'm really excited... scared shitless, but really happy too."
"Weed... I'm... I'm honored that you two asked me to conduct your wedding ceremony. Really..." and quiet once more.

"Tim?"
"Yeah Weed?"
"Can I ask a favor of you?"
I look my friend in the eye, "Anything Weed... just name it."
"Tim... will you get a haircut? I mean, before the wedding?"
"Oh... yeah... sure. Guess it's getting a bit unruly up there."
"Yeah... it's kind of... not a good look. And my parents are gonna be there."

Law Student Roommate (aka... evil landlord)
It's 8:15 of the third and final morning. Having slept through a rainless night of camping at Iris Burn, all of us are glad to be hoisting dry packs onto our backs.

With a hefty grunt, and a grimace to go along, LS-Roommate shoulders his pack.
"What's the matter LS-Roommate?" I ask.
"Nothin' Timmy. It's just this pack seems to get heavier every morning."
"No worries buddy... in 22km we'll be back in Te Anau where beer and burgers await!"

"Hey Timmy?" says Jay a minute later.
"Yeah dude."
"Do you think this hat's alright in New Zealand?" he asks pointing to his cowboy hat.
"Yeah, why not?"
"Well, I think it makes me stick out as an American, and..."
"Nah man, it's a good lookin' hat."
"Yeah... it is. Hey Timmy, did you know Lyle..."
"Let me guess... Lyle Lovett picked you out of the crowd 'cause of that hat."
"Yeah! Did I already tell you that story?"
"yesterday... and the day before. I was at that concert with you, remember?"
"Oh yeah... sorry man."
"No worries... but you're starting to sound like our buddy Dell.

Preschool Teacher Roommate
Back in town, unpacking at the hostel, PT-Roommate comes knocking on the dorm room that LS-Roommate and I are staying in.

"Where's LS-Roommie?" she asks.
"He's in the shower," I reply.
"Oh... that's perfect," she says with a huge grin across her freckled face.

"Hey.. what are you doin'?" I ask as she starts poking around in LS-Roommate's pack.
"Nothin... ahhh ha! Here we go," she says as she yanks a fuel bottle from the pack. "Oh... these are mine too," she continues as she pulls out a pair of sandals. "Can't forget my camera and extra batteries!"
"Holy crap... does LS-Roommate know all this stuff was in there?"
"Nope... been sneaking it in each morning," and with that she tosses her red hair, shoots me a mischievous grin, and skips on out of the room.

Natty
"What was that all about?" I ask Natty as I take a seat next to him on the beach at Broad Bay.
"What's what?" he blinks at me.
"I mean, you shoving Weed into Coal Creek back there."
"Ohhh... that. Well, Weed was screwing around and tore my sweat shirt, so I... yeah, that might have been a bit extreme."
"Well..."
"We're cool now," he says as he smiles and reveals the can of Keystone Light in his hand.

"Ka'Kah Kah! Kah!" comes a yell from behind as Weed comes bounding down the beach.
"Cheers Natty," he says as his own Keystone clinks against Natty's.
"You guys brought Keystone?" I ask with a look of disbelief.
"Weed did!" says Natty, "A 12-pack!"
"Redbull too!" Weed chimes in, "Redbull gives Weed wings!"

I shake my head and laugh as I take the beer Natty hands me.
"Cheers!"

Phil
Day-2 of our tramp and we're to be doing the glorious alpine crossing from Luxmore Hut to the Iris Burn campground. The tramping guide says that the second day is the "highlight of the track." The panoramic views are "awe inspiring!"

Well, mother nature conspired against us and we spend the entire day in the clouds, getting rained on, with panoramic views of everything within a 50m radius. All of us are a bit sullen as we trudge through the rain... all except Phil.

"Ooo, ooo... quiet guys. Look there... a mother and baby Takahe. It's one of New Zealand's endangered flightless birds. Notice the red bill and shield, the dark blue head and olive green back... wow! Just amazing. Isn't this fantastic?!?"

"Great Phil..." we all groan. For two days he's been giving us an oral dissertation of the native flora and fauna in Fiordland.

"Phil... how do you know all this crap?" I say... unknowingly, and unfairly, allowing my frustration with the weather enter my tone.

Phil doesn't even notice. He flashes me that boyish smile and replies, "Well, before I got my MBA and Masters in Computer Science, I double majored in botany and zoology."

"Are you kidding me?"
"Oh no... but that was years ago. I'm a bit rusty... not a real birder, you know?"
The kid's a genius...

Graham
"Hey Graham! What's new?" I ask, out of breath, as I catch up with my good friend He seems taller than his 6'5" as he strides down the trail. I'm taking 3 steps to his 1.

"Well, Yvette and I got married," he says, and somehow looks a bit older, a bit wiser than I remembered.
"Really?!? That's awesome Graham! Man, have I been away that long?"
"Thanks Tim... we're really happy."
"God, seems like everyone is getting married right now."
"How about you Tim?"
"What... about me?" I say with a look that is fright, surprise and sheepishness all at once.
"Well your blog posts are great, you know? The pictures, people and stories... but where's the romance? That's what your blog needs is some romance... something to spice it up a bit."
"Great.. thanks Graham."
"You're not holding back on us? Are ya buddy? Are ya? Giving us the edited version of your adventures, eh?"
"No Graham... I'm not."
"Oh... sooo... how about those Mariner's? Think they'll get some decent pitching this season?"

Jess (of Seattle fame)
"Mornin' Jess."
"Hellooo Timmy. Howww are you?"

I've always loved the way Jess talks. She has a whimsical sing-songy cadence to her speech that cracks me up.

"I'm good Jess. I think we're gonna stay her at the Luxmore Hut this morning. Wait out the rain and Maybe it'll clear by this afternoon."
"That's coool... I can work'on my book."
"Right on. What's this one about?"

"Welll... it's a children's book. It takes place in New Zealand. It's about a young Maori boy who befriends a flock of sheep in this valley. The sheep love the boy and follow him where ever he goes. The farmer who owns the sheep lets them go with he boy because he thinks they're no good... they don't produce any wool for him. Welll... the sheep, they start growing wool of gold for the little Maori boy, and the farmer, when he sees the sheep... well, he's just astonished. He wants the sheep back, but the... well I'm trying to figure out an ending. Should the sheep's wool turn to dust when the farmer steals them from the boy? Orrr... maybe the wool turns to thorny vines that scratch up the farmer? Or maybeee... the sheep refuse to leave the boy, because he treats them so well, and they scare the farmer off. What do you think?"

"Uh... uhhhh... I like the thorny vines."
"Yeah... I was leaning that way myself."

Ranna
"How'd you talk me into that craziness?" I ask my friend Ranna from the grassy spot where I collapsed moments earlier. Barefoot now, arms outstretched, I stare blankly at the blue expanse above. "My feet are killing me."

"Ahhh... you're fine Timmy. It's beautiful today... aren't you glad we were out enjoying it?"

"Even my eyes are tired. Ranna... if I'd known we were hiking 44km today, I would've just gone back to sleep."

"Well you did it! And I'm glad you came with me."

"Just leave me here.. I'm spent."

The 10 of us finished the third and final day of the Kepler Track yesterday. We all crashed into a hostel to get cleaned up and recoup. That night, my young and energetic friend Ranna caught the weather forecast for today. Upon seeing a sunny forecast, she proposed the following...

"Timmy! If we get up at 5:30 tomorrow, and leave by 6:30, we could day-hike all the way up to Mt. Luxmore, get the views we missed on our rainy Day-2, then be back here in the afternoon!"

Not thinking very rationally, I agreed to join her for the little "day hike".

Passed out now on the grassy lawn in front of the hostel, I roll over to Ranna and mumble, "I'm too old for this nonsense."
"Huh? Sorry I was day dreaming."
"Oh... nothing."
"Well alright Timmy... I'm gonna go for a cool-down jog before grabbing a shower! See ya!"
And with that she bounds off leaving me sprawled out like road-kill.

...

NOTE... this blogger apologizes for the ridiculously long and wordy post. Maybe next time I'll limit it to the first 3 comment writers who will be my imaginary hiking buddies on the next tramp.