Friday Funnies

"Good night Shelton."
"Good night T'aim..."
"Shelton... it's a lot of fun traveling with you."
"It's fun traveling with you, T'aim."
"Good night."
"Hey T'aim... are we really getting up at 6:00?"
"Yeah, unless you want to join a prayer group."
"Oh... no. Well, good night then."
"Good night Shelton."

Laying there in the dark, eyes open, I realize this mattress on the floor is the first one I've slept on since Nelson, two weeks ago. Huh?... funny.

What a modest day it promised to be this morning. I drank my coffee and ate my toast as Shelton and I loaded up our packs in Karamea. Edith walked us to Highway-67 at the edge of the small town. The two of us planned to hitch roughly 200km South to Greymouth, then 100km East, into the mountains of Arthur's Pass. Edith decided to spend another night in Karamea... resting, painting, and writing... she'd join us in Arthur's Pass tomorrow.

It turns out to be the toughest day of hitchhiking yet, but maybe, also, the best. Shelton and I never make it to Arthur's Pass. What characters today...

Mark... 40 something dairy farmer... tall, calloused hands, and a pockmarked face. Has us over for tea before driving like a maniac 100km South to Westport.

Bob... 50 something diesel mechanic... shaggy blond hair, kind eyes, and a gentle stoop. Worked in Australia and Vanuatu for 20 years before returning to his tiny hometown of Charleston. Buys an ice cream at a cornershop before driving us 20km to Charleston.

Amy.. 6-years-old... clings to her dad's [Bob's] leg and steals shy glances at the strange Americans. Half-aboriginal, with light brown skin, huge brown eyes, and pigtails of kinky blond hair. Eats said ice cream, smiles sheepishly, then giggles and hides when we return the smile.

Julie... 30 something ex-pat from Wales... spunky, stylish and worldly... fell in love with NZ during her travels and decided to stay... that was two years ago. She likes us... chats constantly, and decides to stop off at Putakaiki to show us the famous Pancake Rocks.

Shelton and I thumb for an hour each time to earn our three rides. In Greymouth, after banking, emailing, and buying groceries for 4 days backpacking, we are shocked when we see that it's already 6pm. By 8pm, after an amazing fiery sunset, Greymouth is dark and the two of us are invisible to the cars whizzing by.

Unexpectedly stuck in Greymouth for the night, we discuss our options... tent in the park across the way? Hike back to towncenter and try to find a hostel? Tent in the backyard of the church just up the street? We decide to check out the church.

"I wonder if anyone's in?" I ponder aloud. Trying the front door for kicks, I'm surprised when it opens to a cavernous dark space. There is something slightly erie about a huge empty church. I lead the way in, gingerly calling out, "Anyone home?" Shelton laughs at me, but there's a hint of nervousness in her laugh. I try again, this time a little louder. Shelton groans uncomfortably, "mmm... T'aim, isn't this bad? I mean, aren't we breaking and entering or something?"

"Entering, yes, but we haven't broken a thing." I say this more to reassure myself. No replies and the two of us are wandering through the building. Unable to find light switches, the contents of most rooms escape us. "We should get out of here... it's kinda scary," says Shelton.

"Well, I saw some phone numbers on the front door... why don't we find a phone in here and give 'em a call?" Not a bad idea, I think to myself.
"What are you gonna say?"
"Well, it's a church... they help folks right? I'll tell 'em the front door was open, they'll be happy to know that at least, and maybe... maybe... yeah, here... I'll ask if we can crash on the floor in this daycare room."
"mmm... this is nice carpet," says Shelton as she tests the carpet with her foot.

We find no phones after wandering through the kitchen, common areas, day care and sanctuary. "Well, maybe we should just tent in the park," says Shelton.

"Okay, let's look at the park... see how safe it seems, and maybe we'll see a pay phone out there. Shelton... if you'll remember 7-6-8, I'll remember the 7-0-8-5 part of the number."

So... the park looks really sketchy, and there are no pay phones in sight. I suggest we post a note on the church door, alerting people entering that there are a couple of well intentioned backpackers asleep in the day care. Shelton looks at me like I'm speaking Klingon. She notices the video store, where earlier I bummed a piece of cardboard for an "Arthur's Pass" sign, still has its lights on. "How About we ask the video store guy what he thinks?"

"Uh... okay, but you're doing the asking," I reply. The poor video store clerk is vacuuming as we walce through the front door. "Hi again!" I say as we enter. Shelton asks and the man shrugs. She looks at me as if to say 'now what?' I look back as if to say 'not a clue.'

After a second, I think aloud, "We have the phone number for the clergy. Maybe... can we use your phone?" The clerk agrees, almost eagerly... probably curious to see how this is going to turn out. One ring and a friendly, elderly voice answers...

"Hello... sorry to trouble you at this hour," I say. "I'm Tim, an American backpacker. My friend and I were trying to hitch a ride to Arthur's Pass in front of your church tonight and... well... it got dark and now we're stuck in Greymouth."

"Ahhh... uh-huh, uh-huh... I see... ahhh..." is all I hear from the other end. I look at Shelton, my free hand upturned, and I continue, "well... we noticed that your church door was unlocked, and... I'm sorry, this is odd, but... would you be okay if we laid out our sleeping bags on the floor and slept in there for the night?" I think to myself... 'wow... that sounded really ridiculous.'

The elderly man says... "Sure thing lad. I'll drag out a couple of mattresses and see you in a minute." Before I can say anything back, he says, "Okay then? I'll be there in a second... [click]" I look at Shelton with bewildered eyes.

"Well?" she asks.
"He's bringing us mattresses..." I chuckle.
"Shut up!" she says and shoves my shoulder. "We should, we should get him some chocolate or something..." she rambles on. "Do you think he likes chocolate? Maybe ice cream? Do clergy men eat ice cream?"
"Sure they do," I laugh. "Lets get him some of each."

I buy a Cadbury Creme Egg and Shelton bursts, "I'm gonna get him a Memphis Meltdown! (her favorite ice cream bar - incidentally, she's also from Memphis) What kind should I get?" There are many kinds... caramel, toffee, double chocolate... "I'm gonna get him this one... 'Big Nuts'! Ha!"

At this point even the video store clerk is cracking up. My hand shakes with laughter as I pay the man. We run out the store, our sandals splashing in puddles as we race to the church. The lights are already on within, and as we sprint up the steps, Robin opens the door for us. He's small, spectacled, and totally bald except for the short white hair just above his ears. He has bright eyes and a red button nose... smiling kindly he welcomes us in.

"We brought you ice cream and chocolate!" Shelton exclaims proudly.
"Oh... oh dear... well, thank you," Robin replies.
"Do you eat ice cream?"
"Of course!" he smiles.

Robin shows us a quiet back room where we throw our mattresses on the floor. As he's leaving, he spins around, and says, "Oh, I almost forgot. I need you two to do something for me." Eh? we wonder. "Today is March 7th... do you know what that means?" he continues. We haven't a clue. "Well, it's a very important day in New Zealand... it's the census day. Every single person in New Zealand who is alive on March 7th must have a census form filled out, and that includes you two."

A few minutes later, he returns with two forms and two envelope. He says good night, and leaves us for the evening. We fill out our forms, Shelton makes a tomato, hummus, pita sandwich, and I get some hot water for my cowboy coffee.

I'm doing some reading when Shelton steps away. A few minutes later, I hear piano music streaming out of the cavernous sanctuary. I find Shelton swaying slowly at the piano bench, her hands dancing along the keys. I approach slowly, but when she hears me, she stops immediately and spins around as though she were caught doing something wrong.

"You're really good," I say... she really is.
"Nooo... I'm not. I can't play in front of people."
"Oh... sorry. I didn't know... I'll leave you alone then."

She's such a funny gal... I want to tell her it's okay to be graceful sometimes... it doesn't make you any less tough and free-spirited. I walk back toward the door. As I'm walking away, Shelton begins to play again, and I duck in between some pews near the exit. Laying on the floor with my eyes closed, I listen to Shelton play unfamiliar classical pieces. I can imagine her hands dancing along the keys again. She stumbles on a note occasionally, but it's obvious she loves to play. Funny that I never knew.

Laying there, I almost let out a laugh as I think of where I am at this very moment.