On a recent tramp I found myself enthralled by a conversation with a deeply faithful Christian friend of mine. Now mind you, my friend's identity of self isn't defined by her faith alone - she's a remarkable person in so many ways.
So on this quiet rainy afternoon, as we descended toward our tramping hut, our conversation took the form of my basic (very basic) introduction to Christianity. Mind you, once again, that my friend wasn't preaching or proactively disseminating the righteousness of her faith... she was simply doing her best to answer my ignorant, but genuinely curious questions. You see... I've managed to spend nearly 27 years of my life without even learning the basics of Christianity.
It wasn't the flattery of feigned curiosity, nor the need to fill the silent hours on the trail which drove me to question my friend about her faith. I simply wanted to try and understand the beliefs of a friend I admire for her intelligence, worldliness, strength, and kindness.
I know I don't recall everything she said in the exact words she spoke, and so I hope she forgives me (and corrects me where necessary). But maybe it's best that I can only recall her words in the way that they struck me. I hope, however, that if my selective and failing memory misconstrues, and thus offends... that those folks will comment to correct me.
All disclaimers aside... here's a selection of what I recall about the part of our conversation pertaining to Heaven and Hell:
1. Everyone is destined for Heaven or Hell... no exceptions.
2. Hell is a place of eternal pain and suffering.
3. Heaven is a place too beautiful for us to comprehend.
4. Right now, I am going to Hell.
5. Gandhi, one of the most incredible individuals to ever live, went to Hell for the same reason: He was introduced to Jesus' infinite love and teachings, but chose not to accept them.
6. I am entitled to God's love, and it is presented to me, but right now I am choosing to ignore it.
7. Humans are not perfect, and will sin... we all sin. But Jesus' sacrifice atoned for all our sins, and as long as we believe in Jesus the Savior, we will be rescued from our sins and delivered to Heaven.
8. All other religions , sadly, have missed the boat. No matter how honorable, moral, and noble their lives... they are destined for Hell.
9. To be saved, and thus go to Heaven, is very simple... but not at all easy. You must truly and wholly believe in the teachings of Christ. Not just feign your faith for others to see, but know within yourself that you genuinely believe.
. . .
Okay, so there was waaay more that my friend shared with me. And, as with anything documented (history for instance), my recollection is biased - both in terms of what I've chosen to recall, and how I've recalled. That said, I know that I haven't deliberately falsified or skewed her words.
I chose to recall the points on Heaven and Hell that struck me because they help illustrate the central difficulty I have with Christianity as I understand it.
And that is... it doesn't allow for any other belief of our existence. Either your a faithful Christian or your destined for a place of eternal pain and suffering. Perhaps all religions have a similar system that only permits it to be the true faith. I need to read up on this.
For me faith is a belief or understanding that you have of the world and your place in it. Faith is the ballast of our lives. Faith allows you to find happiness, which, for me, is the central pursuit in life. Happiness is a generic term here... it means something entirely different for every person. For Christianity, maybe the ultimate happiness is the acceptance of Jesus' love and thus your salvation. That's cool with me. I guess I've always thought of Christianity as a school of thought that explains the world, and our place in it, to millions of people (maybe billions?), but not everyone. Cool with me... millions of happy people, comfortable with their existence. Sweet! Other folk have related more with the explanations offered by Islam, Buddhism, or Judaism... all cool with me. Organized religions to me, are systems of understanding that offer a path to happiness for large numbers of people. So long as the particular faith inflicts no harm on another group... it's all good in my book. But how can a commonly accepted faith allow for the majority of people on earth to go to hell? Billions of people, all non-Christians, are going to a place of eternal pain and suffering. To me, that's tragic... I don't get it.
. . .
So here I am... a young adult, ignorant of pretty much every organized religion, who has carved out his own faith. A faith that allows me an explanation of my place in this world, providing ballast to life, and thus a path to my happiness.
My faith is constantly transforming... it changes as I learn more about people, the world, and myself. And in that sense, my faith is constantly improving and adjusting to the experience I've known first hand. Is that faith? Sure, why not... no one else has to buy into it for me to be happy.
Do I believe in an afterlife? No. I believe in the one very valuable life that I have. After I die, my spirit (or soul if you wish) will not go to a heaven or hell, it will continue to exist in the people whose lives I happened to touch. I believe that even chance and fleeting encounters can have a profound impact. The people who've touched my life... most of them probably have no idea what impact they've had... on my life, my faith, and my happiness. Similarly, I'd like to believe that there are lives out there who've benefited from a chance encounter with me.
When your life is touched by another, you might not know it right away. But you will, unknowingly sometimes, pass that person's spirit onto others you encounter. My friend Ryan's spirit exists within me everyday, and I rejoice in knowing that I share his spirit with others. And so it goes... even though he's no longer with us... his spirit spreads with each fleeting encounter of mine... and the subsequent encounters of those acquaintances of mine... and so on...
I have faith in the general goodness in people... that every person has the potential to touch my life. That makes me happy. I believe that I have a purpose, that i haven't found it yet, but that I needn't rush to it. The road to discovery affords me the opportunities to be inspired and in turn inspire. That too makes me happy.
But Tim, your faith doesn't motivate people to live a moral or just life. Well... sure it does. My faith encourages me to appreciate the life that I have right now - to live as freely and happily as I can. No need to worry about an afterlife... get the most out of this one.
But that still really doesn't push you toward a moral or just life. Ahhh... you mean there are no repercussions (i.e. Hell) if you don't "appreciate the life you have right now" and live it morally. Well, sure there are. Just as my "salvation" lies in the enriching encounters with other people, so to does the "justice" if I don't live a good life. The repercussions of my faith are these: if you don't value your life, its potential, and the people in it... people aren't stupid... they'll know you're a piece of shit. And accordingly, your one very valuable life will be filled with the scorn and indifference of people who could have otherwise inspired you. Furthermore, your spirit will live on in those people you encounter in a terribly negative light... your legacy will be one of ugliness... passed on from person to person. So... not exactly eternal pain and suffering, but still... I can grasp an earthly life of sadness and misery better than something shrouded in a veil of the unknown.
. . .
I try and explain this to my friend, in not so many words I admit, and she counters... "I just wish that you could feel the beauty and happiness of God's love. It's indescribable, and overwhelming, and joyous..."
I think to myself... would I recognize God's love if I saw it? Felt it? What does God's love feel like? I can describe how my mother's love feels... I can recognize it. I need something tangible here.
Maybe I haven't reached the point in my life when I'm ready. After all, the 20+ years of my life before my first "true-love" were very happy. But until I felt that indescribable happiness of "true-love" I would've never known that life was capable of even greater happiness. Perhaps that's it... maybe, in time, my faith will be insipred by God, and when that happens I'll recognize it as I did "true-love," and learn of a different kind of happiness.
Until then... I'll happily carry on with my own brand of faith.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
This describes my religion...
Wild Geese, by Mary Oliver
You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile, the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain are moving across the landscapes, over the praries and the deep trees, the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air, are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely, the world offers itself to your imagination, calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting- over and over announcing your place in the family of things.
-JG-
Have to say that I agree with your assessment, Timmy, though I doubt I could have articulated it as artfully as you did.
Can I join your faith? Seriously though, I feel much the same way as you do. Many organized religions put blinders or limits on what people can do and it completely slows the progress of man (just look at the Dark Ages). To say that a person would go to hell simply for having a different belief is quite possibly the cruelest thing anyone could say. But those people saying that are the good Christians, or Muslims, or what have you.
There's nothing wrong with living your life as best you can without the need of an almighty father figure omnisciently looming over your shoulder waiting to spank you if you disobey any of his rules set up specifically to make you feel guilty for most of your life.
People can be good folks without faith or religion just the same as people can be nasty folks with it. It just comes down to how you want it to be.
JG - I like your religion... it describes you well. Thanks for sharing it.
Jay - thanks bud. I went back and reread my rantings (a late night bit scribbling on paper napkins at a bar if you can believe it) and I'm not sure I really 'articulated' things very clearly. It's no comprehensive doctrine of my faith... just what was running through my head that night. Anyway, it's out there now, and thanks for not thinking me too crazy.
Chamby - wow... we'll have to continue this conversation over some Deschutes in Bend this summer. Thanks for the comments... I need to reciprocate on your blog!
Nice blog, Timmy. I agree with you completely, and want to join your faith. It wasn't easy, but here was my favorite line:
"if you don't value your life, its potential, and the people in it... people aren't stupid... they'll know you're a piece of shit"
Steve
Interesting blog (should I call you Tim? Is that your name?). I just posted a comment about being a DA on another one of your posts. I was so intrigued by this because of the "spiritual revelation" I had after Antarctica. When I was in Bali, the most religious place I have ever been, I had an epiphany, which led to a new view on God and this life. Most of it centered around my happiness, which you said is a primary focus in your quest for faith (or something similar, sorry I don't recall your exact wording). Anyways, after Antarctica I was amazed what I was opened up to. I was wondering if Antarctica influenced your views on faith and God at all? I think I'm getting way too involved in a stranger's blog posts. I'm going to walk my dog now.
Melissa
Post a Comment