feeling... great

Pulling up to my house tonight, I’m surprised to see the lights on upstairs. On Monday nights, I normally get home at 11:30 to a quiet house with roommates sound asleep. This evening, however, I find my two housemates upstairs having a good laugh.

“You two are up late," I chime in. “Oh, we’re just talking about you behind your back” says Preschool Teacher roommate, an excitable lass of freckles and red-hair. I glance over at Law Student roommate, an easygoing fellow from small-town Idaho, and his casual smile tells me otherwise.

I seize the opportunity and ask them for their input on a matter involving a girl. “Okay, so there’s this girl that I only get to see once a week,” I explain. “And, for a while now I’ve been thinking of asking her out for a drink.” Both roommates are intrigued, as I am horribly inept when it comes to dating, and my social life, the romantic side of it anyway, has been pretty much nonexistent for longer than I like to admit. Before I start my next sentence Preschool Teacher roommate starts explaining why that would be “such a bad idea.”

“You’re leaving in 3 weeks! You can’t ask a girl out now!” She exclaims. I abort my story and ask, in typical male fashion, “Why not… I want to buy her a drink, have a laugh… I’m not proposing to her.”

“You boys just don’t understand how girls think,” she continues. “What if she really falls for you?” Unlikely, I think to myself. “If she does, and you just take off for 6 months… that… that’ll just be horrible.”

Law Student roommate is reclined in his easy chair, chuckling to himself as he watches this exchange. To both of them, I ask “But wouldn’t it be better to know? What if we do hit it off, or maybe we don't, but either way... wouldn't it be better then never knowing? At least..."

“You don’t understand how girls think about these things.” She rebuts. I suppose I don’t… I think to myself.

Totally worked up and stammering, I try and explain how, this evening, she didn’t wear glasses for the first time. And how the whole night I was waiting for a time when we were standing apart from everyone else so that I could say casually, “You look really great without your glasses…” because she really did. Trailing off, I mumble about how I hesitated while walking out to my car, almost turning around...

Preschool Teacher roommate slowly shakes her head and I resign myself to check on my mail downstairs. What I neglect to tell them is that she too seems shy, and how it leaves me weak-kneed when she smiles and always looks away blushing. Maybe if I would've explained just how lovely she is... how she carries herself, with grace and purpose and kindness.

As I’m flipping through junk mail, thinking to myself, Law Student roommate pops his head down the stairwell and tells me “I think you should go for it…”