$3 Guinness Pints - Tuesdays at O'shea's

Three rounds into a grand evening, my buddy Highlander eases into a fine story.

"So I'm house-sitting with my girlfriend the other weekend," he tells me and JAR . We're old friends from college, and I actually hadn't seen Highlander or JAR for a couple of months, but we enjoy each other's company as though we do this every Tuesday.

"Well, we're more like cat-sitting," Highlander continues. (Side-note... I'm a dog-lover and have never been fond of cats)

"This cat is sitting by the window, so I thought maybe it wanted to get some air," he says.

"It's one of those indoor cats that's totally bewildered when it finds itself outside the confines of the house. So, anyway... I set the cat out on the balcony, and it quickly takes a perch on the railing out there."

"This crazy cat is just chilling on the railing, staring through the window. It seems content to be mesmerized by the flickering lights of the TV, so my girlfriend and I relax in the living-room."

"Just then... we hear this frantic scratching outside and look over just in time to witness this retarded cat fall off the balcony. What kind of a cat just falls off a railing? It makes a racket as it lands in some bushes, and I dart up to make sure it's alive."

"Fearing that I've caused the death of my girlfriend's friend's cat... I'm out in the yard franticly searching the dark for this damn cat. I notice it cowering under some bushes, so I go to open the sliding-glass door to the downstairs. The cat notices me opening the door, and it bolts toward the safe confines of the house. The sliding door catches just as I'm pulling it open, and BAMMM... the cat smashes head first into plate-glass."

"This last calamity renders the cat dazed, with its little world is crashing down around it. The cat goes running off into the darkness, and I'm scared shit-less that we'll never see the damn thing again."

"I get some new batteries in a flashlight and go looking around the house. My girlfriend is fucking pissed at me by this point. Why did I let the cat out of the house in the first place?"

"I see the reflection of its beady little eyes in the middle of this blackberry bush, shaking, and I inch toward the bush, talking to the stupid cat the entire time."

"With the cat scratching the shit out of my arm, I tear it loose from its perch and toss it back in the house. Fucking cats man!"

JAR and I are falling off our bar stools, seeing the normally reserved Highlander so animated.