on miracles

I talked with my mom today. A Tuesday.

In the din of rush hour traffic, I stood with a cellphone pressed to my ear... my free hand pressed to the other ear. Staring at my shoes, I spun slow circles next to my bus stop, and talked to mom.

It had been about a month since I'd heard her voice. A month... and not for want of trying. At least once a week I spoke with my dad, but each time I called, mom was asleep, or too tired, or too preoccupied to get on the phone. I understood... she's been working some stuff out internally. But we didn't talk about any of that today.

Mom had been on my mind all day yesterday, maybe more so than any other day. I'd tried her on the phone once. No one answered, and I didn't leave a voicemail. I didn't have to. She called me today. She knew.

...

I'm still processing, internalizing, reflecting... but for me, I think I'll always remember yesterday as one of those days (the amazing few) when my life changed forever... the world became a different place.

I witnessed the birth of a child. A new life.

Two of my best friends, Bill & Kari, invited me (allowed me, privileged me) to join them for the birth of their child. A beautiful boy. A frickin' huge baby boy.

They gave me a gift... one so sacred, so beautiful... I don't know if they have any idea how they changed my life... perhaps they do. But I'm certain of at least one thing, I still don't fully understand the personal significance of the miracle I witnessed. I'm processing.

I watched Kari bear her first son and was utterly humbled. Touched. Awed. Without a doubt, it was the most beautiful, powerful, emotional human experience I've ever been in the presence of.

To see your friend, someone you love, in such pain... but through that pain, demonstrate such clarity, and strength (of body and heart), and such blinding love. I've never seen anyone do anything more amazing. In those hours, Kari was perfect... shining with the miraculousness of being alive, of humanity.

It was also witnessing Bill and Kari together in those moments. Bill giving himself to Kari in every way he could... laughing and smiling through uncontrollable tears. Holding. Encouraging. Supporting. Loving. Bill, who normally gets squeamish at the sight of Hailey throwing up... never once leaving Kari's side.

The room was charged. Saturated with emotion... love, anxiety, hope, pain, pride, awe. I was only a witness to the event, a loving friend with a camera, but I couldn't escape the intensity of experience. I didn't want to. Tears streamed uncontrollably down my cheeks... my eyes and ears just absorbing. I felt like my chest would burst at any moment. What I was privileged to experience was just so... perfect. So miraculous.

...

Baby was born at 9lbs 12oz (that's big folks) after over four hours of labor with no drugs. What Kari did is beyond my comprehension... the most incredible display of love and strength I've ever witnessed.

Kari's father said to me, minutes after his new grandson came into the world, "Tim, there are two things in this world that convince me there is a greater spiritual power. One is the death of a loved one. The other, is seeing a newborn come into the world."

In that moment, I had to agree with him. But I might also say... "There are two things in this world that best teach us of our humanity, of the miracle that is the life we have and the value of the gift that it is. One is the death of a loved one. The other, is seeing a newborn come into the world. The former can happen with tragic ease. The later happens with immeasurable effort and love."

All day yesterday I kept thinking, "How is it that I've lived almost 28 years of my life without experiencing such a miracle. Mom... why didn't you ever tell me?"

And somehow, nearly a 1,000 miles away, my mom who birthed me... who I hadn't spoken to in a month... knew to call her son.